Brownie Husband FAIL.

If you haven't yet watched SNL clip "Brownie husband" take a minute to do so. Okay, so the harder you laughed means the more you can relate to it. True story. But on some level, whether married or still single, we can all relate. We all want to find a mate or have a spouse that will satisfy our every need, make us feel loved, tell us we look nice, always there for us, etc. Basically we want someone that will love us unconditionally. Someone who will still love us even when he sees our worst side of us, even when we are not wearing makeup, even when we do something that hurts him, and even when we ignore him as we are trying to meet our own selfish needs. Well, I hate to break it to you, but that will not be found in a boyfriend, husband, or brownie huband for that matter, even if the brownie husband is with nuts. (I'm not saying that I hate men and marriage is worthless, I actually enjoy men and support marriage. ) All I'm saying is that, yes God designed us to we desire, yearn for, and crave to be loved unconditionally, but he also designed the universe so that the only place where we can get this uncondtional love from is God himself through Jesus Christ. My good college friend, known to many as Anne Betts from CA, just forwarded me this wonderful letter that fits perfectly with the subject at hand. Read it. Print it out. Refer back to it when necessary. It's a keeper.

Title: A father's love letter by Tami Auda.

My Beloved Daughter, You are my joy and delight!1 I love you! You are my workmanship2, made in my image.3 I formed your body, soul, mind, spirit, personality, and talents in your mother’s womb.4 I even know how many hairs are on your head.5 I sculpted you from nothing into something.6 I ordained your days and wrote them in my book, even before you were born.7 I can’t stop thinking about you. I think about you more than the grains of the sand on the seashore.8 I know you inside and out, I even know what you are thinking. You’re never out of my sight. I know what you’re going to say before you speak. I am behind you, ahead of you, and my hand is gently upon you.9 It doesn’t matter where you go, whether as high as the heavens, or as deep as the earth goes, my Spirit and presence is there with you.10 Daughter, I chose you to be my own before the world was even made.11 I determined when and where you’d be born and live.12 I am your perfect father13 and I lavish my love upon you.14 I have much more for you than your earthly father.15 I only have good things and gifts for you.16 I will provide all you need.17 I have good plans and hopes for your future18 and I want to show you great and marvelous things.19 Trust in me and delight in me, and I will give you the desires of your heart.20 I can do anything! — far more than you can ever imagine or guess or ask in your wildest dreams!21

I hear you when you call out to me, and I will save you.22 I am your Father who comes alongside you and comforts you when you go through hard times.23 When you are brokenhearted, I’m right there.24 I will carry you in my bosom and hug you close to me.25 One day, I’ll wipe every tear from your eyes, and there won’t be any more pain.26 I’ll calm you with my love and sing to you joyfully.27 When you’re afraid or anxious, don’t panic! I’m with you! You don’t need to be afraid because I am your Father God. I’ll give you strength and I’ll help you. I’ll hold you steady, and keep a firm grip on you.28 Don’t be afraid — I have redeemed you. I have called you by name; you are mine! When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you. When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down. When you’re between a rock and a hard place, it won’t be a dead end — because I am God, your personal God.29 I personally created you for my glory.30 I am also your greatest encourager. I will give you confidence and put a fresh heart in you.31

I love you in the same way I love my son, Jesus.32 I have shown my great love for you through him.33 In fact, he is the exact representation of my essence and being.34 He came to earth to love you, not condemn you or point out all the wrong you’ve done.35 He personally became a human being, and entered the disordered mess of struggling humanity in order to set it right once and for all.36 He did that by dying on a cross, clearing away your sins, and reconciling you to me.37 This is the ultimate expression of my love for you.38 You can have a fresh start by being united with me — and being created new.39

I gave you my son, Jesus, as a gift.40 If you receive him, you receive me41 and nothing will ever separate us.42 There’s a big party in heaven when a life is rescued like this!43 Will you be my child, my daughter?44 I won’t disappoint you.45 I’ve always loved you, and will never stop loving you,46 for you are my special treasure.47

ATTENTION MIDDLE EASTERNERS...Gossip Girl here. Your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Israel's elite.

Spotted: Levite giving his seconds to Mr. Benjamin. Oh L, did you not realize the consequences of your sin? You may have saved yourself, but wife number 2 to death you sent and so many rules it seems you've bent. So on the stoop the next day is where she stayed, and on the back of a donkey to Ephraim she laid. Did you really think she had any chance of survival? And why in 12 pieces did you cut her upon arrival? To the Israelites you claimed of death you escaped, but why no mention of sacraficing your mate? Oh it seems like a mess you've helped create, by giving your second wife as bait...

Yes, I realize this is April Fool's Day.. but the story you are about to read is 100% from the bible. It is full of selfishness, cowardness, unfaithfulness, and sexual promiscuity. The first time I came across this passage, my jaw dropped... was this really happening??? I mean sure it happens in the real world all the time today, but I mean really, these people are in the Old Testament... A Levite is a descendent of one of the greatest prophets of the OT, Moses AND Levites were chosen by God to be allowed to be an intermediary between God and the Israelites (remember there was separation from God before Jesus)… so doesn’t that mean by default he would be a good an faithful servant, someone who was always faithful to God, who didn't fall prey to sin? Well, as you will see as you read the disturbing story below, that is far from the truth. The Levite was troubled by sin, just like you and I are, but is what he did really that far fetched? I mean sure he did hand his second wife over to men to be raped AND then he later lied about what actually happened to make himself seem like the victim/hero….but the choice was ultimately either himself or her… and if he would so easily give up his concubine for such an act, how much more quickly would he have given her up if the men said “come out so that we may kill you?”. If you were in the same situation as the Levite, and the only choice was you or your spouse, what would you do? I’m sure the answer is an obvious yes and you are probably offended that I even asked it… but seriously think about it, would you really give yourself over to be raped/killed? So maybe you would give yourself, but the only reason you would is because of your deep love and care for your spouse. And who knows, maybe the Levite only had marginal affection for the woman in the form of lust and he didn’t think she was good. Romans 5:7 says it best “Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die.” NOW go back and imagine the person you like least or possible hate in this life. Would you die for them? Of course not. BUT WAIT! You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:6,8). You guys when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of Christ! (Romans 5:10) Now if that isn’t love I don’t know what is. Jesus has already done all the work needed for us to have a relationship with God and have eternal life, but the ball is in our court…we have free will.. it's like receiving a free gift, we can either accept the gift or reject it.. it's that simple. But enough rambling, read the passage for yourself. Below is the majority of Judges 19-20. DISTURBING PARTS ARE IN RED!

Now a Levite took a concubine from Bethlehem in Judah. But she was unfaithful to him. She left him. After she had been there four months, her husband went to Bethlehem to persuade her to return and is successful. Levite takes concubine to return to Ephraim. During journey back they decide to rest for the night in Gibeah (home of the Benjamites) and an old man agrees to let them stay at his place for the night.

22While they were enjoying themselves, some of the wicked men of the city surrounded the house. Pounding on the door, they shouted to the old man who owned the house, "Bring out the man who came to your house so we can have sex with him." 23The owner of the house went outside and said to them, "No, my friends, don't be so vile. Since this man is my guest, don't do this disgraceful thing. 24 Look, here is my virgin daughter, and his concubine. I will bring them out to you now, and you can use them and do to them whatever you wish. But to this man, don't do such a disgraceful thing." 25 But the men would not listen to him. So the man took his concubine and sent her outside to them, and they raped her and abused her throughout the night, and at dawn they let her go. 26 At daybreak the woman went back to the house where her master was staying, fell down at the door and lay there until daylight. 27 When her master got up in the morning and opened the door of the house and stepped out to continue on his way, there lay his concubine, fallen in the doorway of the house, with her hands on the threshold. 28 He said to her, "Get up; let's go." But there was no answer. Then the man put her on his donkey and set out for home. 29 When he reached home, he took a knife and cut up his concubine, limb by limb, into twelve parts and sent them into all the areas of Israel. 30 Everyone who saw it said, "Such a thing has never been seen or done, not since the day the Israelites came up out of Egypt. Think about it! Consider it! Tell us what to do!"

…2The leaders of all the people of the tribes of Israel took their places in the assembly of the people of God, four hundred thousand soldiers armed with swords. 3 Then the Israelites said, "Tell us how this awful thing happened." 4 So the Levite, the husband of the murdered woman, said, "I and my concubine came to Gibeah in Benjamin to spend the night. 5 During the night the men of Gibeah came after me and surrounded the house, intending to kill me. They raped my concubine, and she died. …

P.S. this event set in motion a civil war amongst the Israelites. 400,000 Israelites rally against their own people (the Benjamites) and killed over 100,000 men, women, and children. Eeek.